Life Lately.


It's a funny thing. I've always counted myself as an introvert, a solitary being who feels comfortable living within a shell or bubble if you like. Someone who finds pleasure in the quiet moments that others may feel are mundane. 

The soft morning light beaming through the curtains. The calmness of waking up alone, stumbling downstairs to make a coffee and pondering what might be consumed for breakfast. The steam from a warm slow shower, spending extra minutes cleansing every inch of your body. The gentleness of fresh comfortable pajamas in which you plan to spend the day in. 

I've always made a conscious choice to spend many hours living in such a way, but when the choice to leave the house and venture out is taken away from you, the comfort of said slow days no longer feels okay. I've never taken for granted the self isolation I had chosen to impose on myself through openly admitting I like to be alone and I'm certainly not wishing to undo the past in any way, in fact I've learnt so much about myself through actively choosing to spend days within my own company - some darker than I'd like to remember, some therapeutic, some completely upbeat and perfect.

It's just an odd feeling isn't it? To not know what to do with your hours and not have anything in particular you should be doing (unless you're working from home) because most if not all events and holidays etc have been cancelled now. It seems we're all living in a state of limbo with no urgency to do anything. No deadlines, no scheduled plans and complete uncertainty. Life is at a stand still.

Although heartbreaking conversations and tough decisions are being made as we realise the gravity of the situation, I'm so proud of how everyone I've communicated with has been dealing with things, stepping up to help neighbours and loved ones, stepping back from social media to save their mental health and social distancing or self isolating to stop further spread of infection. So far the effort made from internet friends, colleagues, real life friends and family has been a beautiful thing in amidst this mess that is 2020. 

I feel a need to highlight though that unlike most of my online friends, I'm still working because I'm categorized as a key worker and will continue to do so throughout this situation. On my days off however it's vital  I keep a low profile and self isolate, something everyone should be doing from now. Only will I be leaving my house to carry the necessary food shopping if delivery isn't a viable option.

So, on days like today where I'm home alone because my partner is also still currently working, I'm anxiously waking up early, scrambling my thoughts together through endlessly creating lists of things to do / things we need to buy, and struggling to find a sense of normality. Rushing a quick shower because I'm fearful of running out on our electric key meter and, wondering what the hell to do if my heavily relied upon corner shop was to close its doors.

Realistically my routine on days at home doesn't need to change because I don't have children or grandparents to worry about or anything I need to plan. I can gratefully just continue living the way I always have been. I hope that doesn't make me sound cold? Nonetheless I still feel the same sense of dread as the rest of us. I feel like there's something I should be doing or planning for in case the situation becomes more critical. 

Currently though all I can do is attempt to create my own small joys. I've been listening to a lot of calm music and at the moment Phil Collins is my go to. I've been eating the food I love and watching Netflix whilst relaxing in the tub. I've also been avidly playing the Sims 4 in moments where true escapism is required. It's the first day of Spring today too and I'm going to try extremely hard to appreciate every bird singing, every blossom blooming and every moment of sunshine.

I think it's important to stay informed but not obsessed with the latest news updates at the moment too - I hope the rest of our population would agree like so many other people I've been communicating with recently do. We've seen how other countries are tackling COVID19, we've heard our governments response. I don't need to know every scary little detail.

With every worsened update I'm finding it challenging to want to stay present on social media, but I am. I'm here and hoping to be a kind ear for anyone who needs to vent across Instagram and Twitter. We can share mutual concerns and worries, and uplift each other whilst avoiding all virus related conversation at all costs if that's preferable too.

At the moment writing "stay safe" at the end of almost every message or email I send seems like the new norm and I just can't wait for the day that we can all leave our homes again, reunite with friends and loved ones in person, to share a big hug and a cry, to have strengthened relationships and to just move forward. 

In the I meantime hope you can all find coping mechanisms and strategies that work for you. Most importantly, please be kind always, take care, look after your communities and stay safe.

16 Comments

  1. Since I live forty minutes from the nearest town on four acres of mountain land, I have not found that much of my life has changed. The only thing that is different is glimpses into the panic happening around the world as countries lock down and store shelves empty. All this news is brought to my by social media and even the radio, where I cannot listen to music without hearing that California has just locked down!

    On the flip side, I think the virus is doing some good. People are calling relations they have not spoken to in years and becoming a little more empathetic!
    Thanks so much for affording a glimpse into your life of late!

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    1. I completely agree. On the whole my life hasn't hugely changed. I've always spent a lot of time by myself, and if I'm really honest things have probably improved because as you say, a lot of people are communicating with one another more often than ever before.

      I live in a relatively quiet area too but yours sounds much more beautiful than mine. I hope you're doing okay during this time and aren't finding solitude difficult. Thanks for reading x

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  2. Working from home has been tough to me because I'm so used to my routine and I'm not the greatest with change, but it is so important to make changes at the moment!

    Love, Amie ❤

    The Curvaceous Vegan

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    1. I can imagine. Having to change up your routine so drastically must be stressful to say the least. I'm almost grateful that I'm able to find a sense of normality and routine in still going to work, despite the uncertainty of everything.

      Thanks for reading x

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  3. Yes these days and times are so weird. Not really sure what to do with myself. I am the same way, always considered myself a homebody, but when the choice to leave is taken away from you, then it is just an eerie and weird feeling!

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    1. We have to create new routines now I think and do the things that bring us joy. It's a strange feeling but an opportunity to rediscover ourselves I suppose, save others and appreciate our loved ones that much more.

      Thanks for reading x

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  4. Lovely article - I wish you a safe time during this crazy world we are living in right now. Take care, Lisa

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  5. These are such uncertain times, there seems to be anxiety all around us. I am the same as you, I enjoy staying at home a lot of the time, but having the freedom taken away is such a weird feeling. I am trying to stick to a routine, scheduling in home workouts, breaks, cleaning, reading and things like that. Hope you are doing okay, stay safe and well <3 xx

    Bexa | www.hellobexa.com

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    1. Definitely creating and sticking to a routine is so important, especially now. Hope you're doing well and looking after yourself. Always here if you need to chat.

      Thanks for reading x

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  6. Being at home because you want to vs being forced to be home hits differently. It sucks getting that choice robbed from you but it's needed so we slow down the spread of the virus. We need to find the positive in the situation and keep fighting. We definitely need to be properly informed but still try to live our lives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

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    1. Thank you for reading Nancy. Hope you're well and taking care of yourself x

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  7. An introvert here , too. It was my birthday on the day you published the blog post and it was a very strange on. At home, juts with my fiance. It is a really terrible time and I so feel for all the ones in the world. We need to come together and help the ones in need. even if they do not have the courage or pride to ask for it. I am locked out from the country my family is thry closed their borders for visiters. In this time we need to be mindful and stay at home, help the elderly and ill, support the medical staff as they really are our heroes and help fight injustice at leat on the internet and spread awareness with what is going on.
    It is a time to self-reflect as well and find out what our heart is really longing for and to think about ideas outside the box on how we can live more sustainably.

    https://www.ecoislogical.com

    Nathalie

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    1. Happy belated birthday. I'm sorry to hear that your birthday was so strange, but I hope you managed to find some joy. I'm also incredibly sad to hear that you are unable to be close with your loved ones during such a difficult time, I can only imagine the anxiety that must cause. With only a small family (my mum, sister and auntie) I feel quite fortunate currently I suppose.

      During this time we are learning so much about ourselves and realising the true value of things.

      Wishing you all the best x

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  8. We're completely different (I'm an extrovert) and I do miss going out and meeting my friends because it's been long already, but still, safety is always the priority at the moment. I just really wish for this pandemic to end. Thanks for the good read!

    Take care! :)

    xoxo,
    SHAIRA
    Blog: www.missdream-girl.blogspot.com

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    1. I can imagine for an extrovert it's incredibly difficult to want to / know how to enjoy your own company, without feeling as though you're missing out on social interaction elsewhere. At least you have the comfort of knowing that everyone is in the same boat, staying home and distancing from social interaction I suppose?

      I'm (as I know we all are) wishing this will all end soon too x

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